Things Chickens Do...
Ah, we have passed the one year mark of chicken ranching and it's hard to believe how woven into our lives these crazy birds have become. I see some of my friends getting chickens and they post their adorable children with the little balls of feathers squished up to their faces and I smile and think, "just wait until they start shatting on your furniture." Instead I respond with something like, "yah for chickens," or whatever is nicer than what I'm thinking at the moment and wish them luck. Because that is what chickens do: they poop. They also dig, take dirt baths in the sandbox and lay some eggs, which are also, covered in poop. I am not discouraging anyone from raising chickens, as they have brought my family a lot of joy, but there are some things you may want to consider before daydreaming of peaceful afternoons watching your chickens peck the grass.Thing 1: The Poop
I've mentioned it before, I know, but my oh my, these birds drop turds all day, everyday and everywhere. I spent the summers with my grandparents, and both sets always had chickens running around their property. I will always have sweet memories of holding baby chicks, just hatched, in my Grandma Hughes' barn. The sweet smell of chicken manuer mixed with hay was always linked with memories of whispering and sharing a special moment with my grandmother. At my Grandma Bunny's house there were always birds of all kinds: chickens, ducks, geese. And their poop was all around, so much so that we just became immune to stepping in it with our bare feet-just wipe it off on the grass and continue on your way. Who's got time to put shoes on, let alone freak out over some chicken poop? Not me. So you would think that I would be well aware of the literal shit-show I was getting into when we brought home chickens, right? Wrong. I forgot all about their poop until it was on EVERYTHING! The new patio furniture? Crapped on. Our nice deck? Black tar poops I cannot get off! The playset our child loves? Also a gathering spot, also a bathroom for chickens. And in the grass you think it would be ok, but these turds are often larger than our 80lb dog's poops! What? I'm not kidding. Large. I was horrified when we had a friend over to meet Taylor yesterday and he said, "Look at all these chicken turds! There's one here, and here, and over here, and there, look at that one!" He would have gone on for a while if I didn't cover his mouth and kinda laugh off my embarrassment. And don't even let me tell you how mortified I am when I volunteer in Taylor's preschool classroom and while sitting down to sing a song, notice both of our shoes are caked with the organic material. So yes, they poop a lot, and it doesn't bother me enough to do a whole lot about it, but it is something to keep in mind with free range chickens. |
| This is the chicken hang out, especially on windy days. |
Thing 2: Ruin your Garden/Yard
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| Free Thatching! |
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| Dirt Bath! |
Free range chickens have no boundaries, why should they? Everything to them is a place to roost, eat, sleep and do whatever they want. This is why it is important to block off anything you don't want them in and keep all food OFF the grass. The other morning I walked outside and was hit in the face with a wall of skunk smell. As I looked in the yard I noticed it was coming from the crime scene, which was our BBQ drip bucket, a mangled pinwheel and a piece of "flock block" (an open feeder block of food for chickens). It seems the skunk had tried to steal the BBQ drip bucket, ran into the pinwheel in the yard (Taylor thought that it was a perfect spot for it the day before) on its way out and was so freaked it sprayed and tore the pinwheel to shreds, right before it stole part of the flock block. Long story, but I left everything in the yard, including the large chunk of bird food. So now what do we have? Free thatching for the grass in one area. Um, hello, you birds have a mountain of good food in your coop, go eat that, why dig and dig for one tiny seed? Whatever. You're not pooping on the deck, so go for it.
As for the garden and sandbox, it's what chickens love the most. A perfect spot for dirt baths. Chickens don't clean themselves like most animals, with their tongues or take baths (obviously) like small birds in puddles of water. They bathe in dirt to keep the bugs off, and to cool down. Our garden and Taylor's "dirt box," and even our gravel driveway, is marked with craters where the birds hunker down, dig and fling dirt on to themselves. It's actually a sight to see, and I do like to watch them, but then they make huge holes and big messes (you gotta poop where you bathe if you're a chicken), as they must.
Thing 3: They are LOUD
In most cities you can have a few chickens and the main rule is you cannot have a rooster. I understand this, because as we have all learned from nursery rhymes and cartoons, roosters wake you up as the sun comes up, right? Wrong. First of all, chickens are loud, too. I'd say 89 percent of the time the birds are quite, but you get one that is separated from the flock and my God, you would think the worst car alarm was in your yard. Weird sounds come from their bodies, not just the typical "brrrawk," you'd think. Weird, alien sounds. Loud alien sounds. We have one chicken that stalks us during meals, Diva. She paces and flies at the window, trying to get in, all while making really loud chicken sounds. They are also loud when they want let out. Very loud. As for the rooster, he crows when the sun comes up, and it's a nice wake-up call, but he also crows at 2am, 3am, 4am and all during the day. Roosters are like feathered gang members, meaning they use their crow to claim territory to other nearby roosters. So while a rooster in the next pasture yards and yards away can be heard crowing, Elvis must answer back loud and clear that these 6 hens and this poop-filled yard are his.
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| Repeat Offender |
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| We have an electric fence between us and the neighbor's cows. One day Taylor calls to me, "Hey mom, come help me." I walk over to see him on the other side of the fence! He had snuck under the electric and barbed wire fence to chase the dang rooster. In my calmest voice I had to tell him to get LOW and come back into HIS YARD. Damn rooster. Bad influence on my girls and my son! |
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| These girls LOVE Taylor. They are so social and want to be around him all the time. I laugh so hard when I watch and listen to him talk to him. The neighbors must think I'm crazy when I threaten time out for pulling the chicken's tails. Just another sentence I thought would never leave my mouth: Stop pulling their tails!? One more time and it's timeout! He has had more discipline over his poultry handling than anything else. |
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| Taylor MUST let the chickens out each morning. One day I did it without him and he FREAKED out. Biggest and longest fit EVER. One of the things I never thought I'd never be dealing with is a boy's desire to ranch his birds. |
Things I wish Chickens WOULD Do:
- Peck Rock Chuck faces, or torment them. I think these animals enjoy each other's company. They coexist together and I wish a chicken would just peck their eyes so they would leave. Nope. They share food. Great.
- Lay different colored eggs. Our birds' eggs are brown, because of their breed (not because they are organic), but I wish they would surprise us with a fun colored egg now and then! Or lay gold. Whatever is easiest.
- Lock themselves up. Some nights I don't mind running out there with Taylor to lock them up, and I have some very kind friends who do the job for us when we are out of town, but sometimes I wish they could just do a beak count and then lock their own coop up and save me the trouble.
- Eat tackweeds/goat heads.
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| Gold?! |
